What’s This “Second Man” Thing?

I have always felt like God made me to be a second man. By this, I mean that He has placed within me a desire to encourage other men in the ministry and work along-side to accomplish the vision God has given them. I find real satisfaction in being a “second man.” Since becoming a children’s pastor, I have realized the importance of encouragement in ministry, and that is what I hope this blog will become for you. I desire to share what God is teaching me through His Word and also what I am learning through ministry to others.

When you think about it, we are all a second man to someone. Even if you are the senior pastor at a church, you are a second man for God. All of us are a second man to those we serve. The big question is, “Who are you serving?” My prayer is that this blog would be an encouragement to christians and all who are serving in full-time ministry. I am not here to debate, I am here to encourage.

Don’t forget where true joy is found… (Psalm 16:11)

Betrayed By Bitterness

One of the greatest enemies of the Christian and of the man in full-time ministry, is bitterness. Bitterness can creep into an individual’s heart through an offense, hurt, attack, misunderstanding, etc. Though there are many ways that bitterness can enter your heart, there is only one source from which that bitterness comes. It comes from Satan himself. The devil uses the pride in your life to destroy your ministry and relationship with others, through bitterness.

“The devil does not care what happens to get you bitter, he just knows that if you get bitter he can keep you from being used of God.” – Don Sisk

I have had situations in my life when I wanted to get bitter toward someone. I wanted to let that anger and pride fester within me until I only had evil thoughts toward someone else. Thankfully, God showed me several ways that bitterness was betraying me. What do I mean? When a person is bitter, he thinks that the bitterness he has in his heart is actually hurting the person he is bitter toward. In reality, the bitterness is hurting only him.

Here are a couple ways that bitterness betrays you:

1.  Bitterness says, “It’s okay to be bitter.”

When you allow bitterness into your life, you begin to tell yourself that it is your right to be bitter. Bitterness tells you that you have done nothing wrong and the other party is completely to blame. Bitterness says it’s okay to be bitter, but what does God say?

Ephesians 4:31 reads, “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice.

Bitterness is betraying you, not helping you out. It is not okay to be bitter. God wants us to set our pride aside and seek forgiveness. God resists the proud and gives grace to the humble (James 4:6).

2.  Bitterness pretends to be a small thing

I remember watching a Veggie Tales episode about the “rumor weed”. In this video, the rumor weed starts very small and begins to spread lies. As more people listen to the gossip and get angry, the rumor weed grows to become a threat to the whole city. Bitterness does this in your life.

Hebrews 12:15 reads, “…lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.”

A bitter person thinks, “This only affects me and it is not a big deal.” That thought is simply a lie. Bitterness grows and grows until it affects everyone around you. Your countenance changes, your words become laced with bitterness, you walk around looking for problems, you share negativity with anyone who will listen to you. You have been betrayed by bitterness and you don’t even see it. It has become your entire life and it is sin.

So how do you and I defeat bitterness?

• Choose to forgive the person who hurt you. (Matthew 6:14)
• If you are upset, be upset at the devil who is trying to make you bitter.

“Here’s how I got over bitterness, I got mad at the devil and chose to love the person I was bitter toward.” – Bobby Roberson

• Set aside your pride, and let God handle the situation. (James 4:6)

Satan is a liar and the father of lies (John 8:44). Don’t let him gain a victory in your life by keeping you bitter toward a person or situation. Bitterness always betrays its subject. Don’t let it prevent you from being a useable vessel in God’s hand. Deal with the bitterness, seek God’s forgiveness, and move forward in ministry for Christ (Acts 24:16).

Family By The Wayside

I once overheard my dad having a conversation with another pastor. The pastor asked, “What do you think comes first, your family or your ministry?” My dad told him that family must come first because family is your first ministry. The pastor quickly replied and said, “Well, we disagree on that. I believe that ministry comes first. It is the engine that drives the plane.” The engine that drives the plane…really? As I stood there and listened I couldn’t help but think about all the young people today who have left the church and walked away from it all because their dad was in the ministry and threw his family by the wayside. If the ministry is the engine that drives the plane, then all too often the family is the bird that gets chewed up and spit out of the turbine. This is a very serious problem. This needs to change, and fast.

​I grew up in the home of an evangelist, and thankfully, my dad put family first. If he had not, I am not sure where I would be today. Did I see distasteful things in ministry? Absolutely. Did I ever wish I had a bit more time with my dad? Frequently. But did I ever feel like I wasn’t important to Dad? No. Never. I can’t speak for all my siblings in this regard but from my memories as a child, I knew that I was important to Dad. That meant a lot to me as a child. You see, I understand that ministry is very busy and requires much of your time, but that doesn’t mean that your family should suffer because of it. Have you ever had this feeling? You come home from being at the church and working all day on ministry-related things; all you want to do is sit down, clear your mind, and relax. Your wife or your children come up to you and want to talk /spend quality time. You lash out at them with something like, “I have been at the church all day and just want to sit here and relax for a minute. Not right now, please!” Sound familiar? When this happens (or something like it) your wife and children feel unloved, unimportant, and like something you only spend time with if you feel like it. I realize you didn’t mean it that way, but they don’t. It is in those moments, when you have forgotten your first ministry and begun to slowly lose ministry all together. Consider a couple Biblical examples of losing family, which should be the first ministry.

I. Eli (I Samuel 3)

​In this account, we see that God sends a message to young Samuel, who is serving God in the temple, under Eli the priest. The message states the following:

“For I have told him (Eli) that I will judge his house for ever for the iniquity which he knoweth; because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not.” – I Samuel 3:13

​Just imagine having to tell this message to an elderly gentleman. It is a very specific condemnation upon Eli for the way he reared his sons. Now I understand that as a father, you cannot control the heart of your children, but we are supposed to correct our children when they are doing wrong. The Bible tells us that Eli did not restrain his own sons. My question is, why did his sons have such a disdain and disrespect for the ministry (I Samuel 2:12-17)? We are not given all of those details, but they obviously rejected the things of God and Eli didn’t do much about that. Eli is judged because he did not restrain his sons. It is apparent, that Eli didn’t take the time to minister first to his own sons. God put this in the Bible for a reason. Have you learned from it? Unfortunately there was an even bigger shock as I read these passages. Remember Samuel, the boy who delivered this message from God to Eli?

II. Samuel (I Samuel 8)

​Samuel is old now, as Eli was, and the Bible tells us something very sad about his sons.

“And his sons walked not in his ways, but turned aside after lucre, and took bribes, and perverted judgment.” -I Samuel 8:3

​What? You mean the boy who delivered a message of judgment about a man not ministering to his sons, went out and also put his own sons on the back burner? It appears so. Once again, you cannot force your children to do right, but what about all those years you had to shepherd the heart of your child? Did you take advantage of the moments to share Christ with your children? Did you treasure each day you had to show your wife that she comes before your public ministry? This was astounding to me when I read it. Inside I thought, “Really? He did the same thing and put ministry before his own family?” Then the Holy Spirit convicted my heart and said, “How many opportunities have you missed?” I write this to urge my fellow brothers in the ministry… Do not let your family fall by the wayside. One day, when you stand before God and give an account for how you led your family (for God’s design is for the man to be the leader in the home), what will you say? What will God see from your life as a husband and father? My goodness, I want to stand before Him knowing that I did everything I could to share Christ with my family and lead my boys to a saving knowledge of Him.

​So what is the balance? I talked to several seasoned pastors in this regard. I want to encourage you to put your family first in regards to ministry. I hope these suggestions from other pastors will be a help to you as they have been to me.

​1. Help your family to see that you are not choosing between them and ​​​ministry. Do ministry with your family. Help them understand that ​​​family and ministry should go together.
​2. Take your children on special “dates”. Your children need to see that they ​​​are important enough to be put into Dad’s calendar. On this note, don’t ​​ever stop dating your wife. EVER.
​3. Don’t share every burden of ministry at the church, with your family. You ​​​need to leave those burdens at the door and enjoy your family. Be ​​​Dad, don’t be Pastor so and so.
​4. Don’t be one person at church, and another person at home. Hypocrisy will ​​drive your children away from Christ faster than anything else.
​5. Have regular family devotions with your family. Show them that Christ is ​​​the head of your home. When you read the Bible, keep it exciting! ​​​Read it, not as stories, but as Truth.

I pray for young people today who have been raised in the homes where the father is in full-time ministry. Too many of these young people are leaving the church, never to return. Too many are headed for a Christ-less eternity because their dad never took the time to minister to them, and they saw hypocrisy in his life. It’s time for men in the ministry to recognize where their first ministry lies. It’s time to pick up our families that have been by the wayside, ask forgiveness, and begin ministering to them anew.

Walk In Integrity

Proverbs 20:7 – “The just man walketh in his integrity: his children are blessed after him.”

 

Integrity = The quality of being honest and having strong moral (I would add biblical) principles; moral uprightness.

 

Integrity is one of those qualities that I most desire to have in my life. Growing up, I learned from my dad that I needed to always be a man of my word. I remember times when I would give my word in a certain situation and often regret committing to it later. Even though I had changed my mind about the situation, I was encouraged to stand by my word and follow through with what I had said I would do. I learned very quickly that my word is my bond.

 

I am very thankful for how this biblical principle was instilled in me at a young age because it is vitally important now that I am in full-time ministry. Throughout my life, I have tried to walk in integrity but I have not always done so. There were times as a young boy when I did not have integrity. There were times in my college life when I did not have integrity. There have been times in my relationship with my wife when I have not been a man of integrity. Each time, had its consequences and I learned from it. It is a constant fight day by day for me to walk in uprightness and integrity. With that in mind, I do not write this as someone who has mastered living with integrity, but rather as a man who is continually striving to have a life marked by integrity. I want to encourage my Christian brothers to be men of integrity. It is needed today. Where are the men who will take a stand for the truth and stop looking for ways around it? Have you looked around much? Have you observed this generation of young men in the ministry? Would you say that integrity is something that is important to young men today? I would say, on a large scale, it is not. Unfortunately, “men” today, look and act like little boys. It is time for that to STOP.

 

Christians should be the example here. We should be the ones who model integrity before the world. We should be the men who show the world what a true man looks like. The Bible says that the just man walks in his integrity. Do you? In the little things of life, do you stand by your word? Can you say as David said, “Judge me, O LORD; for I have walked in mine integrity” (Psalm 26:1)? That is a huge statement! Can you imagine? The God of the universe knows you better than you know yourself and you say to Him, “I have walked in my integrity, go ahead and judge me by that.” Boy, you better be sure you have been a man of integrity or you are in big trouble. I want to be able to say that honestly before God.

 

When God looks at your life, does he see a man who is honest in his dealings with others? Does He see a man who is morally pure? Does he see a man who is careful to stand by his word and be known as a man of truth? Will God see you, a second man, walking in integrity and supporting the God-given vision of your senior pastor? Does God look at your life and say, “There is a man after my own heart”? It’s not about perfection; David made plenty of mistakes. It is about having God’s heart. David sinned many times in his life but he also realized his sin, saw it as God sees it, and turned from it. He allowed God to restore integrity in his life. I believe many young men in the ministry today, myself included, need to seek God’s face and beg Him to restore integrity in our lives. Let us not be puffed up with pride. Let us not seek the pleasures of this world. Let us be concerned about one thing; am I walking in uprightness before God (Proverbs 14:2)? The world is looking for the difference in our lives but often times can’t see any. My brothers in the ministry, my brothers and sisters in Christ, it’s time to take a stand for Christ. It’s time to take a stand for our families. It’s time to take a stand for the Truth of God’s Word. It’s time to walk in integrity.

Leading Your Children to Christ

The question is often asked: can my children really understand the Gospel and be saved? The simple answer to that question is a resounding yes! When the disciples tried to hinder little children from coming to Jesus, they were rebuked by Christ when He said, “Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God” (Mark 10:14).

As parents, we have a massive responsibility to lead our children to Christ. The church, Sunday school teachers, pastors and others are there to support in this mission; but the responsibility that our children understand salvation is on us.

So, what does that look like? How can we lead our children to Christ? Consider these ideas from Scripture:
1. Model a Consistent Walk with God
Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
Children notice our actions, and those actions speak far more loudly than our words. I will never forget seeing my dad spend time in the Bible each morning when he woke up. It showed me that God’s Word is important.

When God says that our children “will not depart from it,” He does not mean that our children will never make wrong decisions, but rather that our children will never be able to forget the example of Christ that we were in their lives. They will never be able to forget the scripture we have taught them. We train through our actions, words, and attitudes; and when those are patterned after Christ, our children will always remember that true joy is found in a consistent walk with God.

Consistency is key! Modeling a consistent walk with God is not a one time act; it’s a lifetime commitment.

2. Make Much of God’s Word
Deuteronomy 11:19-20 “And ye shall teach them [God’s Words] your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt write them upon the door posts of thine house, and upon thy gates:”
God’s Word must always be before our children and have the priority in our lives. Think of simple, yet effective ways to make God’s Word important in your home:
*Have regular family devotions
*Read a chapter of Psalms or Proverbs every day
*Learn a verse each month with your children. In my family, we write a verse on a chalkboard that hangs in our living room, and we say it each time we have family devotions.
God has promised that His Word would not return void (Isaiah 55:11). Get together with your spouse and think of creative ways to keep Scripture before your children. You can lead your children to Christ by teaching them the importance of God’s Word.

3. Be Ready for God’s Timing
Mark 10:15 “Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, he shall not enter therein.”
Your child can understand the gospel and receive Christ. Because young children are impressionable and naturally trusting, Jesus made it clear that we must believe like a child in order to be saved.

The Gospel is simple! Explain to your child that God loves him (John 3:16) and that we are all sinners (Romans 3:23). Because of our sin, there is a price that must be paid (Romans 6:23). But the story doesn’t end there! Because Jesus Christ died and rose again to pay for our sins (Romans 5:8), all we need to do is believe and call upon the name of the Lord (Romans 10:9, 13).

They may not understand at first, but when your children have questions, answer them! If they’re not ready, don’t try to force the Gospel on them. Keep the conversation going and allow the Holy Spirit to work in their lives. When the time comes, be ready to explain God’s plan of salvation and to answer their questions. Don’t allow the busyness of life and your schedule to cause you to miss the opportunity to lead your child to Christ.
“A child of five can as easily accept Christ as a man fifty years old.”
—Charles Haddon Spurgeon
I was saved as a child at the age of seven; I remember that day like it was yesterday. Growing up in a Christian home, I had heard the Gospel all my life, but I realized that night that I was lost and on my way to hell. I told my parents that I needed to be saved, and they patiently took time to make sure I understood the Gospel.

I was saved as a child because my parents modeled a true walk with God, made much of God’s Word, and were there to answer my questions when the time was right.